Point of order

As husband (and sherpa) to the Duchess, one of my many duties is crafting and writing apology notes. We make alot of social mistakes, and the three lil Popkins, HK-13, JCT-9. and KE (FLSFGDNAEPoLLS)-6 are like a travelling tornado. And I have been known to break, burn, stumble, drop, and damage almost everything within my nearest 3 zip codes. We are a clumsy and ham handed people.

It has gotten so bad that I do not even get in the car without all the trappings of a proper apology note.

The swagmobile, currently the HMS Black Pearl, a 2010 650, being lightly and lovingly broken in for Duchess' racetrack @ BMW has several sizes of envelopes, cards- family, Swagclub, and the highly prized Maker's Mark Ambassador, paper, stamps, wax, brass seals, and suchlike,

 

So, it was with great pleasure that I crafted the 'Mother of All Apology Notes' for another shameless self promo. Red faced, I laughed out loud at the reverses, snark, and downright tomfoolery of it. And that laughter was a mere drop in the bucket compared to the snort laughs and peals of lolrotflmao kinda responses I have gotten from this piece of work.

 

 

 

Feedback from my 149.

 

 

Feedback for the 2.0.

For the next strike.

 

 

 

Here it is........

 

 

'Friends, supporters, and members of swagclub.
I beseech your indulgence to this unheard of intrusion. Please accept this preemptive apology, but feel I have to make it.
 
I offer you an unusual choice today in this package.
 
If you are familiar with the manifesto I issued when I started this club, you know how constraining, limiting, short sighted, amateurish, jack-leg, and offensive a darn catalog is to me and my process.
 
But....so many people, clients, prospects,friendsandrelations, and assorted malingerers and hangers-on have asked for a catalog.
 
So here it is.
Included in it is the industry standard catalog of swag, culled from the top selling products from the top suppliers, profusely illustrated with talk of prices, specifications, and production details.
Festooned with a spiffy color logo, but run of the mill catalog content, nonetheless.
Yuck, imho.
A dead tree edition catalog.Same stuff you see at every tradeshow booth in America.
I don't mean to say that I dislike any of the content, if you love something we can help you produce it.
 
 
However, you, my friend, deserve better.
Different.
 
 
Also in this package is something a bit more consistent with what you have come to expect from @swagclub.
A blank catalog.
Dream catalog.
A 'Back of the Napkin' sketchpad.
We would rather give you the time,
ask the questions,embed ourselves into your business, understand your needs, and sketch on a blank page.
Dream a bit with you.
 
 
Honestly, I would MUCH rather spend a few hours over a long lunch with you (Lazy Goat? Uncle Bertos? Chops Cajun? Pita House?, your pick!). Fueled with a few adult bev, and assisted by a few back of the napkin sketches, I think we could very well change the world.
That's why I dig you. That's why I do this.
Dat's how I roll.
 
 
 
If you would rather have lunch with me and praps some of my team of kindred spirits, on our nickle, please lemme know.
If you would rather not be bothered with me anymore, I am ok with that- I know I that I am not for everyone.
 
So please forgive this intrusion.
 
and if you wanna talk, we wanna listen, and help you sketch out your dreams, to try change the world.
Gimmie a call.
jgm. might make ya laugh.'

 

Coming to ya, in hardcopy. Hand delivered where able. Signed, sealed, numbered for the members, with stamp of the official mark.

If you are in the club.

Running out of space.

#149.

Prof. Robin Dunbar is right.

 

 

Want in?

 

About 2 yrs ago one of my fave clients was changing their name and logo, and in the process I found the abfab bit of swag for em. Super elegant and upscale, it really captured their new colors, look, theme, intention, and overall just flippin nailed it.

So..... I took the liberty of having a spec sample made up, on my nickel, just to let em touch it. I was not fishing for a sale, I just wanted them to have it. Sometimes a piece of swag is so perfect, so elegant, ya just gotta do it, for the sake of the craft of swag.

She loved it and bought a good 100 or more. I was delighted, not at the sale (although Duke Power, BB&T, and my Publix care more about the sale than the art) but at the fit.

Problem found, problem solved. QED.

6 months ago, I asked how they were received. 'Hadn't distributed them yet, they are too expensive to give out willy nilly.'

 I was crushed. I sold them something too nice to distribute.

 

#Swagfail.

 

 

Flip teams for a sec- a few weeks ago, I found the perfect IT. I did what seemed like a huge run of what can only be described as.... the greatest thing yet!

Useful, practical, and certainly NOT too expensive to give out willy nilly. I carpet bombed all my fave local members of the club, and now they are all gone. I hope we have kept one for next year's Addys submission, they are that spiffy.

 

I made bales and bales of the sombeeches, and I so underestimated their popularity!

Alas, they are GONE! 

 

What is worse? The 'irrational exhuberence' I had, passing out this thingy to all nearby members of the club & friendsandrelations, or the hording of something sooooo perfect, but kinda costly?

 

 

 

My shrink, sometimes Sunday School teaching partner, and friend, has said, roughly, that my youthful years of Christmas birthdays have caused a 'disturbing pathology' in my continual giving of gifts. of swag, typically. He is probably correct, and I am off the charts when it comes to just giving stuff away.

 

 

But the other extreme concerns me, especially with the baggage of the great advice from my now deceased Grandfather. He said, 'It's not what you earn that matters, it's whatcha keep.'

 

But, in his defense, he saw a much skinnier slice of the world than I ever did. Have. Yet. 

 

That said, his kinda scarcity mentality scares the hell outta me, I like to believe I can outsell my stupidity. There is more out there, whatever it is, lets go get it.

 

Finding the perfect 'give/keep' balance has been a lifetime struggle. For now, I will trend to the give side.

As long as the kids are fed and the bills are paid. 

 

 

 

 

Last week I was by, dropping off birthday swag for one of the team, and I saw my spiffy new logo babies from my newly renamed client, displayed w/pride. Warm fuzzy glow kinda moment. She's been getting them out to the people that would understand and appreciate. Glad to see it, glad to have helped bring them home.

 

 

What kinda weird universe do I live in, and why is the Karma Genie screwing with me?

First, a lovey and fluffy one...

 

 

Karma Genie works in mysterious ways. Just as my dear companion of 15 years, Sophie, 'slipped the surly bounds' slipped the surly bonds of earth" to "touch the face of God." Duchess was being given a certificate for a new puppy from the Humane Society, just as Sophie was. There is sadness @ 211 Culdass, but also hope, and you know how strongly I feel about hope.

So much for Mr. Nice guy, here comes my altered alter-ego.

He is vile.

And also a poltroon.

 

Recently,  I had the great fun a giving a proper slagging of an old, old mate. He really crawled up my nose and inside my sinuses, and I sneezed it all out, all over. Both barrels, I slagged him up but good. Up one side and down the other.

 
Then I run into my arch rival, who I love like a brother, but holds my feet to the fire in a most particular and painful manner.
And that rapscallion pressed for peace before we could even get to the niceties of the weather. I gotta admit, I was itching for a scrap, not peace.

But he brought peace, unasked for, undeserved, unquibbled. The man exudes peace.

And another victim of my endless reserve of bile came to my aid at a most unbelievable time, in an unbelievable way. His moccasins are wayyyy too uncomfortable for me to even imagine, and that vile sommabiscuit is coming to MY aid? Hubris?! Cheek?! No, just an authentically nice guy.

Crap.

Wow.

 

 

Not merely was I wrong, I was kooky. Piling on.

 

From the closest, inner circle, and even to the outer fringe- I have been lifted. Bloodbrothers and distant friendsandrelations have circled round the ring and cheered me, my heart, and my soul in ways I cannot even begin to describe.
Weird and wack coincidence after another. Over and over. Shaking my belief in luck and strengthening my ever-so-shaky faith.
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Robert Zimmerman, aka Bob Dylan, says 'you gotta serve somebody. It may be the devil, or it may be the Lord, but you gotta serve somebody.'
I am blessed to have such a crew of kindred spirits.
We serve an awesome God.

They serve an awesome God.

Who you serving?

I choose dat wiley Karma Genie,  I choose their awesome God. I think they may be mates.

Sorry about the slag.

Sophia Labrador Slice, of Londonderry Lake, slipped the mortal coil today. She was a treasured friend and companion to me, duchess, the kids, and mwonderbeagle. 15 years is a stunningly long run for a Lab, yet she spent even her last days here in comfort, dignity, and peace. She was well loved, and her passing leaves a hole in our hearts.

All hail the victorious dead. She was part of our tribe. Our pack.

 

 

 

 

She rode in my convertible Mustang for many years, top down, ears aflap, and would stay in the car as required. Politely and non complaining.

She showed the same steely resolve when the kids put her through the indignity of dress up games, rides, drags, and sleeping upons. And her love for our trips to the lake was amazing, as she loved 'just messing about in boats' as much as any good sailor. Or good sailor's dog.

 

Those of you who knew her will rest assured that she is in the warm embrace of her maker, however you understand that, and that our future with her is sure. A soul is eternal, and that companion of ours certainly had a soul, as certainly as we do. We are all eternal creatures, temporarily encased in our 'Earthly clothes'. Or 'Earthly pelts'.

 

See ya soon, girl! You go and scope out our next sunny, fresh water, biscuit filled place, we will meet again.